Physical Character Descriptions Revisited

I'm trying hard not to use the word "orgasmic," but yesterday's comments were exciting. I was up late thinking about this new idea that physical description is not only less important, but even unwanted by some readers. Thanks for all the great comments and ideas Rick, Lady Glamis, beth, Justus, scott, Crimogenic, Robyn, Anette, Reason Reanimator!

To quickly repeat my original point. I was saying that I think most readers have a certain average person in mind when they read a story with no physical character details. This isn't necessarily a problem, but I think it's good to be aware of it whether you want to change that image or not. Justus and Scott, you mentioned that some of your favorite characters are only minimally described. That struck me as very interesting. I'd love to hear who those characters are. Scott, you mentioned some favorite stories. Those are some of my favorites too. Do they also contain your favorite characters? I went through my list: Mahlke from Cat and Mouse, Brod from Everything Is Illuminated, Anna Karenina from a book I promised myself not to mention this week. All of them are very visual for me, described with a set of key descriptions. Yes, as many people brought up, detail overload is never the goal.

I think it's time to launch our first official Literary Lab Experiment.

Experiment #1

Question: Do physical descriptions help or hinder the ability of a person to interact with the story?

Background: Some comments from yesterday's post suggested that physical descriptions can get in the way of the movement, depth, action of the story, and that details make it harder for the reader to interact with the story. I think we all agree that physical descriptions should be relevant. The more important issue is whether or not leaving out details allows the reader to engage more with the story by being able to add their own information and by being able to avoid getting bored. I'll try to present both sides of the case so that each writer can make up his or her own mind. And, I'm currently undecided, so this will be good for me.

Materials and Methods: Rick Daley posed some great Why's and How's to the scene about the suicidal man and the woman watching. I'll use his suggestions to flesh out the all important action and motivation of the scene. I'll use one of Robyn's details too. Then, I'll write the scene again and add physical descriptions of the characters.

Results:

First, the no physical description version.

A man stood stiff and determined on the window ledge of a three story building. It was early in the morning, and there weren't any cars in the road below. He thought of his Ponzi scheme that had just been discovered the night before, the panicked calls that came into his office phone, his cell phone, his home phone. He had only answered one of them, a call from a father of four. That was all it took for him to decide to end his life. He shuffled his feet closer to the edge. His hands fell away from the brick wall behind him so that he teetered unsteadily. He had been calm before, but at that dizzying height his breathing grew unsteady. As if seeking one last vision to die on, he noticed a woman walking down the street in his direction. He thought of all the women he had flirted with in those blue-lit, gin-smelling clubs he frequented, how that lifestyle was gone for him now. At first the woman did not notice him. Her stride was casual, carefree. Then, she stopped and looked up. It seemed to take a moment for her body to react to what he knew she saw. Her form tensed. She shouted, "Don't do it!" to which the man replied, "It's too late," before dropping. His eyes stayed open. In the three seconds of freefall, he watched the ground. Each time he blinked, he got a snapshot of the gray mass of the asphalt speeding toward him, and each snapshot was a closer view of what he had done and who he truly was.


Second, the version with the physical descriptions.

A man stood stiff and determined on the window ledge of a three story building. He was twenty-something, trim, scruffy but handsome -- he looked like a man who could go places. It was early in the morning, and there weren't any cars in the road below. He thought of his Ponzi scheme that had just been discovered the night before, the panicked calls that came into his office phone, his cell phone, his home phone. He had only answered one of them, his voice unusually timid as he listened to a panicked father of four. That was all it took for him to decide to end his life. He shuffled his feet closer to the edge. His hands fell away from the brick wall behind him so that he teetered unsteadily. He had been calm before, but at that dizzying height his breathing grew unsteady. His face -- the clear eyes that had never encountered defeat before -- suddenly widened with shock. As if seeking one last vision to die on, he noticed a woman walking down the street in his direction. He thought of all the perfect women he had flirted with in those blue-lit, gin-smelling clubs he frequented, how that lifestyle was gone for him now. At first the woman did not notice him. Her stride was casual, carefree. She looked more wholesome than the women in the clubs. Even from this distance he saw that her face was warm, loving. She looked like someone who could make a good wife someday. She stopped and looked up. It seemed to take a moment for her body to react to what he knew she saw. Her form tensed. She shouted, "Don't do it!" to which the man replied, "It's too late," before dropping. His eyes stayed open. In the three seconds of freefall, he watched the ground. Each time he blinked, he got a snapshot of the gray mass of the asphalt speeding toward him, and each snapshot was a closer view of what he had done and who he truly was.

Conclusion: ???