This especially comes up when I change from one character's perspective to another:
Charlene hoisted the sapphire out of the mine, tired but satisfied with her find after three long months of searching. Ricardo was immediately jealous. He stood at the entrance to the mine, smashing her fingers underneath his boot as soon as they appeared above ground. Charlene screamed, but she refused to drop the precious stone. Instead, she swung her body around and grabbed Ricardo's ankle. With a desperate tug, she pulled him down into the dark abyss.
versus:
Charlene hoisted the sapphire out of the mine, tired but satisfied with her find after three long months of searching. She was smiling with relief when she noticed Ricardo's shadow looming over her. He was immediately jealous. He stood at the entrance to the mine, smashing her fingers underneath his boot as soon as they appeared above ground. The rock started to crumble. Charlene screamed, but she refused to drop the precious stone. Instead, she swung her body around and grabbed Ricardo's ankle. With a desperate tug, she pulled him down into the dark abyss.
For me, the first example (okay, they are both a bit lame, and I apologize) is tighter and gets the emotions across more simply. The second example takes longer to make it's transitions. When I read it, I feel eased from one person's mind to another.
Does anyone else face this kind of problem? Do you approach it intuitively or do you have more general guidelines?
Ah, the dreaded transition. I don't even think about them as I write. It's the flash fictionista in me. I don't care about how my characters get from A to B. I just want them to be doing something.
ReplyDeleteI think my issue's going to be more one of adding transitional material to ease the flow later. (Because they DO ease the flow. Every narrative needs SOME transitions.)
Transitions kill me. They destroy me. They stop me dead in my tracks time and time again. I have no proven technique for writing good ones. I just keep throwing stuff at the page until it sticks.
ReplyDeleteI have absolutely NO idea how to write a decent in-paragraph transition from one mind to another. I will usually try to break it up into a different paragraph so that it is evident that the POV is switching. It may not be as exciting, but it's easier for me to write that way. I usually just stick with a single POV for entire chapters though. I find multiple POVs where only one is needed will more often hurt rather than help.
ReplyDeleteI'm sort of compulsive about transitions. I have to show how one gets from point A to point B or I'm just not comfortable with what I've written. Consequently, I tend to over write and then have to go back and cut stuff out.
ReplyDeleteThis is mucho interesting...
ReplyDeleteMethinks the second one is the way to go. While it takes a more words, it also creates far more emotions (fear of looming shadow etc.) in the reader than the first. It's always a great thing when readers get emotionally vested in a story.
As far as cutting unnecessary transitions, I try to skip out on the easy ones like how a character got from this place to this place and following their every motion.
Great post.
Oh, yes, transitions...
ReplyDeleteHonestly, Davin, I think both examples work, and it's a matter of what feel you want for your story. I like the second example better because it does help me see better what's going on and who's POV I'm seeing from.
I like how you call it connective tissue, which is usually something necessary, right?
Simon, Sometimes I wonder if it's just a matter of initially setting the rhythm. I wonder if we don't use transitions in the first few pages, if the reader will then accept that and go with it.
ReplyDeleteLoren--have you been reading my How To book? You're using my time-proven techniques! :P
Ken, I tend to head hop only because I like it. I wish I could do it gracefully! Like you, I end up opting for the clearest way most of the time. I just wish I had some grace.
Chuck, So, do you end up cutting the transitions out in later drafts? I'm finding more and more than I can get away with that without losing the reader.
Mayowa, moving from one place to another is a problem for me. I often have my characters standing up if they were sitting down, before walking across the room. Lately, I remove more and more of that, and I think it's okay.
Michelle, ha ha! Yes, I suppose connective tissue is necessary if you ever intend to move your body!
I try to cut transitions, but it's so hard. I feel compelled to go into detail about movement. I often go back to see if someone is sitting down so I can have them get up before walking away. Is that some named psychological malady?
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean on a sentence-by-sentence level. A lot of times I think my prose is choking on prepositions and modifiers and it takes forever to get to the verb. Whenever that happens, I just try to recast the sentence and make the structure more simple.
ReplyDeleteTo transition in the middle of a passage, I try to use a word or a specific image as a sort of hinge (like a pivot chord when modulating to a new key, to throw a music theory reference out there), to bridge the writing from one character to the next. I'd have the focus in your examples be on the sapphire and move the POVs around it, if you know what I mean. So we watch the sapphire move through the scene, not watching the characters so much.
I pretty much use the same technique for larger-scale transitions between scenes, too. I find a word or image or action to pull the reader from one scene into the next, so the reader's eye is following movement, as it were.
My new WIp is a head hopper. I hope I can get this right. I've never done this before!
ReplyDeleteDavin, if you want to know who my blog was about email me. (I couldn't find yours, sorry)
whiteplatonicdreams @ yahoo.com
Ah, great point! Though, in this modern world of ours, since we read so fast to get to the meat of the argument, we fill in the gaps. I'm saying we think differently nowadays; we ought to write differently as well.
ReplyDeleteLakeviewer has an interesting point that I'll have to think about.
ReplyDeleteI tend to do as Ken said--If I'm going to head-hop within a chapter, I switch from one character to another with a paragraph break.
Scott's suggestion of following the sapphire is interesting. It would hold the paragraph together more, but I'm not sure if it would help smooth the transition between characters' thoughts/feelings.
I liked both examples also and didn't feel lost in transition at all. I had a problem with my first manuscript of relying on transitions too much and a critique member told me to stop with all the hand holding. I understood pretty quickly.
ReplyDeleteTransitions are tough stuff. The first one for me definitely got to the point, but it was jarring for me. Maybe that's because I don't read a lot of third person, and when I do, I don't do that well with omniscient (pretty sure that's what it's called ...). That said, the first one also feels more urgent, more realistic, given the action playing out.
ReplyDelete*pulls out hair*
transitions, ugh ...
Chuck, the malady--and, yes, it is one--hasn't been named, so it's all yours!
ReplyDeleteScott, that's a neat-o tool with the image thing. I'm trying to think if I ever tried that, but I don't remember ever doing it.
T. Anne...I'll email you!
lakeviewer, I agree with you that readers have changed some. I'm not absolutely sure if it's true, but that's also what I believe. I try to go against that, though. I'm old-fashioned and unmarketable that way.
Genie, when I look at my last novel I also tend to do the changes in between paragraphs. But, at least to me reading eye, it doesn't make a big difference. Then again my paragraph breaks often seem random. Maybe someone should write a post on that!
Crimey, stop it. Just stop it. :)
jessjordan, omniscient third doesn't seem to be very popular these days. Leave it to me to be inspired by Tolstoy in a world of Meyer. :P
ReplyDelete"Cocke & Bull" is in omniscient 3rd. It's my favorite POV. I plan, actually, to use it for every new book I write because it gives you the most control over dramatic distance.
ReplyDeleteI'm having to do major rehauls on my most recent WIP because, for some reason, I overlooked this important issue. I jump from action to action, with too little rest and not enough connection between the stories.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why I did this, I really do know better.
Mr. Bailey, word!
ReplyDeleteTess, that's hilarious. I think it's better not to know better each time you write.