I am sort of continuing a series of writerly explorations with this post, a series I began weeks ago with questions about "moral fiction" and continued with the questions about portrayals of minority-status characters and characters who are not part of our own social groups. Today it's less social and more personal, and I am wondering about our early experiences with writing. Specifically, I'd love it if you could all think for a minute and then in the comments tell me what was the first book you ever read that you wish you had written.
Maybe I'm alone in this experience, but there was a moment in time when I had finished a book and I imagined myself as the author of that specific book because it seemed like it had been written just for me and it seemed like something I myself could have written. Granted, when I was very young, in maybe 5th or 6th grade, my brothers and I would make up little comic books (they call them "chapbooks" these days) that were just folded sheets of paper with a staple in the spine and write our names on the front covers and pretend we were authors.
But those moments didn't have as large an impact on me as did the time I read Flannery O'Connor's Wise Blood. "This is a great book," I said to myself. "I understand what she was doing, and how she did it, and I get it and gosh, but I could have written it!" And, sad to say, when I began to write my first novel about six months later, I was writing very much a rip-off of Wise Blood. Still. The moment pushed me past the "it would be cool to be a novelist" stage into the "I could write a novel" stage. Which stage I haven't left.
Anybody have a similar story they wish to share? Because I want to hear it.
Yeah...I don't have a specific memory, but I have had the feeling at times when reading. GREAT!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had that feeling when reading great literature. I'm usually just overwhelmed by the brilliant bits--the things I could never do. And I've never had the feeling of knowing how someone does it. I don't even know how to do it myself. Unfortunately, the only books I finish reading and think, I could write like that, are the books I wouldn't want to claim. So I keep reading the brilliant stuff and hoping I get a clue.
ReplyDeleteLong story short? I'm jealous of this experience. I wish I could pinpoint the exact moment I decided I could be a writer.
Martina
There have been several times in the past when reading something where I do wish I'd come up with the concept first. But I know I wouldn't have done justice to the concept.
ReplyDeleteSimilar to your story of getting from wannabe to actually starting, I was reading a book in high school (probably David Eddings or Tamora Pierce) and I remember saying to myself, "I could write a book." And I sat down and started world-building. 8 years later I finally finished that first draft.
I've never had I-wish-I-wrote-that-itis, at least not in regard to a story. I'm that way with music, too. I prefer to write my on songs over learning covers. Sometimes a song or a book may inspire me to create something new, but I try to do all that I can to make it my own.
ReplyDeleteI've experienced those sorts of feelings a dozen times or more, and it still happens from time to time. It's what solidifies my dream of being a writer!
ReplyDeleteThe first book to make me feel *something* was Summer of My German Soldier by Bette Greene, which I read in the sixth grade. Man, I want to re-read it now!
Silly, but I kind of felt that way about Jurassic Park! I was way into science (definitely dinosaurs) and philosophy as a kid. I wanted to have written Malcolm's character and to have come up with the idea of resurrecting dinosaurs from DNA fragments.
ReplyDeleteAfter childhood, I never got that feeling. Among books I loved, I either felt blown away by the writing (as in, "I could never write like that!") or I enjoyed the book but couldn't stop thinking about all the things I would have done differently.
I remember reading the early work of Stephen Lawhead, and thinking to myself, "Now, *I* wouldn't have phrased it that way. I think I could do better...."
ReplyDeleteWhether I could've or not, it was my first thought that I might be able to write something good someday. I was in high school at the time.
Aaannnd then I waited till my last year of college (the, uh, 15 year ordeal of on-again, off-again college) to take up writing again. Go figure. Now I'm trying to make up for lost time.
In fact, I wrote a lot of "fan fic" in my head, changing around elements of a story I liked (like trying to work a gender reversal) or combining plotlines of different books into one. I never wrote them out, though, because it was more of a thought or story experiment than really creating something new.
ReplyDeleteThe first was Albert Camus' The Stranger which hit me in a very intellectual way. I remember thinking that I needed to do the same thing -- trick people into thinking they were reading a novel while actually getting them to process and grapple with some deep philosophy.
ReplyDeleteThe second time I felt that in a strong, impact-heavy way was a condensed one-month course in the literature of the American South. It was full of Faulkner, Williams, O'Connor, and Wright -- and I remember constantly thinking, "Yes, this is it, this making making readers feel, not simply recognize, the struggles and complex layers of life, this is what I can and should do, and I wish I had done it just like this a thousand times over already."
I remember reading some corny war stories when I was a teenager (I'm male OK) and decided that I could write something similar...so I did.
ReplyDeleteSadly (or not) it has been lost in time and house moves and my mother's desire to clear out everyone else's rubbish.
Still, it did spark me into writing more and helped me pass my English exam at 15.
I remember this exact time for me. I was in college, and I had decided I was going to read as many Nobel Prize winners and Pulitzer Prize winners as i could. I found a used book store in Davis, CA and bought two books, Yasunari Kawabata's Sound Of The Mountain and John Updike's Rabbit at Rest (the last in the Rabbit series). I read them both at the same time and was 1. shocked that both of them would dare to write about such bizarre intra-familial relationships and 2. that both of them would choose to write about the SAME bizarre intra-familiar relationships. For me, it granted permission to write without the fear of being judged, and that unlocked so many stories that were inside of me. I had gone to college with the intention of taking as many art classes as I could, but writing suddenly took over.
ReplyDeleteWow, I just wiki-d Jurassic Park and saw that it came out in 1990. I remember reading a brand new hardcover version of the book right after the movie came out. I must have been eleven or twelve. After I read that book, I said to myself, "Damn, I had better start writing my good ideas down or other people will get to them first and make huge franchises out of them." If only I had started working on that when I was twelve. Haha.
ReplyDeleteMaybe my homeschooled kids will get a chance to write bestsellers instead of going to school. XD
I decided I wanted to be a writer in first grade when the teacher read something I had written to the class. And, Simon, only 15 years? Try 34. Seems like I've wished I had written every book Heinlein, Asimov and Clarke authored. Oh, and P. G. Wodehouse and Douglas Adams and . . . and . . .
ReplyDeleteYeah, the whole thing of reading a book and seeing that it's possible to write about certain subjects is an amazing experience. I remember reading "Darkness at Noon" and being blown away by the idea that you could write realism like that. I remember reading Burroughs and thinking that not only was he weird, he was really brave. I remember reading Eco and thinking that he was funny but he was also 1,000 times smarter than I was, but he made no effort to tone down his brilliance and erudition. I remember reading Faulkner and seeing that he didn't give a damn about my opinion of his book, and I knew that was a good thing.
ReplyDeleteDon't laugh -- the Belgariad, by David Eddings.
ReplyDeleteBut there have been other books I loved that made me feel, "I could NEVER write this well. WTF am I thinking I could be a writer?!"
Tara: Yeah, I have read enough great books to realize that I'll never be a brilliant writer. But I can be a good writer, and that ain't so bad.
ReplyDeleteThere are also books I've thought I could write better.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a kid, I thought I could have written a much better ending to Masada. Damn, I still could. Mass suicide?! Lame.
I think the very first book I felt this way was The Awakening by Kate Chopin. I think that's why it's one of my all-time favorite books now. I've been a fan of the novella ever since.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I used to make books, too, when I was a kid. I still have some of them. I've wanted to write books since I learned my first word, I'm guessing. :)
ReplyDeleteScott, do you really feel that way about not being brilliant? I always have to hold that as a possibility for me. Otherwise I'd quit.
ReplyDeleteBig D: It's true. When I was younger, I was sure that I had a mind like a radioactive diamond (or whatever), and that my brilliant light would shine forth over the face of literature. Now I think that I might write a couple of decent books I'll be proud of. Even while I'm writing a chapter of my WIP that I think is a chapter full of High Literary Values and Beautiful Language, I am aware that there is a level of intellect and craft that's above me and may always remain beyond my reach. I will keep reaching for that level, and hopefully I'll stumble into patches of brilliance by accident now and then. But to say that if I can't be brilliant I'll quit is just...I don't know. Missing the point, maybe.
ReplyDeleteHarold Bloom thinks that most of the past classic writers stumbled upon their greatness by trying to copy writers before them. Except for Shakespeare.
ReplyDeleteI'm in a similar place as Domey on this one. Do I think I *am* brilliant? No. Do I think I can *become* brilliant? Yes.
ReplyDeleteCall it ambition, drive, confidence, competitive nature, whatever... If I wasn't striving to achieve brilliance, I would be dead in the water.
At the same time, I'm not holding out on seeking publication until I have perfected brilliance. That would be just as crazy to me.
I was an avid reader as a child (yeah, a bookworm), but never gave myself permission to believe I could be anything like a novelist. Then I quit my first career, found myself writing a novel, finished it, and looked up and said, "I've just written a novel!" A startling revelation but there was nothing directed about it. It just happened (wrote about that experience in my last post as a matter of fact). I've since written other novels as well as short stories, and I definitely played a more active role in directing them than I did with that first one. But there was something about the act of actually finishing that first novel (a novel!) which liberated me to believe I could write another one.
ReplyDeleteBig D and Nevets: Here I invoke my favorite Robert Fripp quote, "Purely through hard work, one can become an artist." Still, for me at least, the idea of brilliance is off the table. Sometimes I'll congratulate myself and say that I've done good work. That's about it.
ReplyDeleteJudith: I know! A friend of mine and I were talking about writing last week, and I realized that--as someone who's working on his 4th novel--the idea of actually writing a complete novel is no longer intimidating. It's like, "Oh yeah, I can write a novel. What's all the fuss about?"
ReplyDeleteScott and Judith, I also made this revelation...and then I got completely intimidated by the idea that my ability to write a novel has had no effect on its quality. I sighed. But it's really helpful to have that obstacle out of the way so that I can work on new obstacles.
ReplyDeleteThere are books that make me think nothing I write will ever compare, books that inspire me to keep writing just out of pure love for them and books I think I could have done better but the best books are the ones that make me glad I am alive. Writer or not.
ReplyDeleteTaryn: Yeah, that reminds me of what C.S. Lewis used to say: "We write so that we know we are not alone." The books I love best are those that allow me to feel compassion for humanity. Mostly those books are tragedies, but I firmly believe that writers of tragedy have the greatest love for our poor, stupid species. But of course I'd say that, being a writer of tragedies.
ReplyDeleteI can't say I remember having a moment in my childhood where I said "I wished I wrote that", but I recall the feeling of excitement and the nagging thought of "I can write stories too."
ReplyDeleteDomey, Shakespeare copied everybody!
ReplyDeleteTHe Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which the unskilled know so little of a subject they aren't able to evaluate their own skill. They suffer from illusory superiority, rating their own ability as above average, much higher than it actually is, while the highly skilled underrate their abilities. So Scott, when you were a radioactive diamond, you were probably less skilled of a writer than you are today.
ReplyDeleteI am calling my next band "The Dunning–Kruger Effect." Anyway, yeah, I'm certainly a better writer now than I was then, but I also think I'm a better reader so I have a better idea of my skills versus teh mad skillz of Carol Shields or whoever.
ReplyDeleteMy own personal goal was always to be like Stephanie Meyer -- despised by literary authorities for my hack writing, but beloved by millions. However, I discovered it's actually just as hard to write stuff beloved by millions as critically acclaimed by literary authorities.
ReplyDeleteAt the age of fifteen when I read Jane Eyre...that is the first book that I remember consciously wishing I'd written.
ReplyDeleteIt was closely followed that same year by The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, which I now and will ever wish that I'd written more than any other book I've ever read or I believe will ever be written.
I can also totally relate to the idea of realizing that I'll never be brilliant and wanting to be as good as I can- it's like looking at other people's paintings and knowing mine will never look like theirs. I will never paint like a realist, I will never write like Bronte or Adams.
Still, both writing and painting are things I am driven to do- I couldn't stop writing if I tried (and believe me, at points I have tried thinking it would make me happier. It did not- it only made me impossible.)
Great post!
~bru
Tara Maya I'm going to have to look up the Dunning-Kruger effect- that is absolutely fascinating!
ReplyDeleteNathan Bransford did a great post a while back on the Dunning-Krueger effect. Worth reading!
ReplyDeleteMartina
Joseph Conrad's Heart Of Darkness
ReplyDeleteI read it just last year, but it was the first, and only so far, that made me feel that way. The message is so awesome, and the way he writes it to convey the message through so many layers is perfect. Just about everything I've written after reading that book has been ten times deeper.