Monday, August 9, 2010

What if you forgot everything you ever wrote?


Meet Murray Dunlap. He's a writer. He wrote stories years ago, and he's still writing now. But, in between the then and the now, something happened. He got amnesia.

LL: First off, tell us about your situation and what happened to you. Feel free to be as brief or as detailed as you want.

MD: OK. on June 7th, 2008 (6-7-08 as creepy as that is), I was just driving down our street, taking some recycling in, when a stranger ran a red light and smashed into me. It was crazy. Pushed me right into some friends who were minding their own business driving in the next lane. The thing is, I can’t remember a thing. Weird as it seems, a very near death experience with zero memory. None. Literally, it may be the closest I’ve come to death, and try as I might, I've got nothing. Nothing.

And the following year was so horrible, there are no words. Just anger. And fear. My God, the fear. I was in a wheelchair when I came out of the coma, which I was in (coma) for three months, and never had any doctor convince me that it was 100% clear that I would walk again. They assured me I would walk. But I was nervous. They mumbled all sorts of things about my brain and legs not talking, but I always felt like there was a very real chance I would never walk again.

So day-by-day, I went to therapy and gave it my all. What else could I do? You would be surprised by the determination that comes over a person when walking is on the line. Therapy 5 days a week and I made up my own therapy on weekends. Sprinkle in doctors here and there, and then you’ve got yourself a recovery process. Damn, that gets old! I think it may be the closest I’ve come to insanity yet.

I’ve come awfully close to dying about a dozen times, but this, nothing compares to it. Most near death experiences are just like you would imagine: extremely dangerous, but for an instant. Compare just about anything to a coma for 3 months and that followed by a full year in a wheelchair, and that followed by 6 months using a walker, like an old man. It simply makes no comparison. Like the time I was run over by a motor boat, while intense, was over almost immediately. So then a trip to the ER and some stitches and, like most accidents, then it’s over.

Or when I jogging at college, and some professor’s daughter was coming around the corner too fast, and not looking. So I was put on the hood with both hands pressed flat against the windshield. And was close enough to see her face, and despite my hopes, knew she would slam on brakes from the look in her eyes. So I went flying off the hood and went flying into the street until gravity tore me down and I landed, on my left knee, in the same very hard street. Campus security swarmed me, either out of concern for my safety or concern for my lawsuit-capable parents. I’d day the latter is more likely.

So I guess you could say I’ve been lucky. Or it’s just as easy to say I’ve been awfully unlucky depending on your point of view. I'm not dead yet...

LL: I should mention to everyone that the reason I met you was because the literary journal I work for, SmokeLong Quarterly, accepted a story that you had written before the accident. What is it like to look at your own work without having any memory of writing it?

MD: Very weird. Very. It is as if I have pulled a rabbit out of a hat and not known where the rabbit came from. Truly. That weird. And it is as if I am reading it for the first time. I have a fuzzy feeling I know what is about to happen, but then I'll get confused. I'm on lots of medicine!

LL: How has your writing changed because of what happened?

MD: I don't think about anything the same way. Nothing. I have much less sympathy for problems that have no real danger at all. When I have a character I hate, I simply have to have them complain about anything stupid. Anything. It makes my skin crawl to hear people say how "rough" they have it when it makes an instant comparison to being in a wheelchair. Even if they don't realize they have done it. But for my writing, I think little things, like love and care, are more important to me than ever. Ever. I could have shoved a billion dollars at anyone after the wreck and they could not have made me walk... So. Money is meaningless to me now. But I think in writing, it makes me more attuned to characters showing love for one another. Love is MUCH more important to me than ever before.

(You can read two of Murray's stories, here. The Dogs Go Too was written before his accident. Times I Nearly Died was written after.)

LL: To come back to writing after the amnesia implies that you've dedicated yourself to this art form twice. Is that true? Was there any possibility of you NOT being a writer after the accident?

MD: Yes. I was so dissoriented and medicated that, literally, I am just now feeling like I can try again! Weird to focus on something for so long and then be forced to take just under 3 years off...

But it's getting better. And my memory is improving enough that I can remember at the end of a sentence what the beginning was about... It was that bad.

LL: Do you you think there is a universal consensus (or should there be) about what is dramatic or important to write about versus what isn't? I think a lot of writers would argue that the subject of the story isn't as important as the way that subject is written about. Do you disagree?

MD: I think every writer has to share the way he or she sees things. Whatever way that may be. I think I agree that the subject is less important than the way the story is told. If it wasn't, there would be nothing but horror movies. But what we've all learned is that yes, it can be interesting to see or read about a person in danger of losing their life, but in the end, it is the life itself and the connections made that truly reveal something.

LL: Do we as writers have a job to do, a common goal, as you see it?

MD: Yes. What writers do is complete our understanding of life itself. That and give people an emotional ride that they might not get otherwise. And to see themselves expressed through words that help life make sense. I'm starting to sound very pretentious I think, but really, I would like to think "our" job here is that important. Sort of a psychologist for the species.

LL: Do you have any additional insight from your experience that other writers might find useful?

MD: I guess anytime a writer thinks a character is "in it", they should take a glance at the handicapped or insane and realize just how bad things really can get. Maybe spend a day without walking, if they can?

LL: And, what projects are you working on now?

MD: I've been working very hard with Kevin Watson of Press 53 on an anthology that we've named "What Doesn't Kill You...". Should be wonderful! Our book launch will be at the Southern Festival of Books in Nashville, TN on October 9. It has been a lifesaver to have a job to do when I have been unable to drive to a job (or anywhere) and have become bored to tears. But I will say that what didn't kill me made me a better writer.
__

Murray, thanks so much for telling us about your amazing story!

19 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing, and best wishes for your continued recovery.

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  2. Wow! This is so interesting! Thanks so much for sharing this with us! =D

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  3. Murray, this is an incredibly inspiring story. As a matter of interest, did you have to relearn your technical writing skills, or do they come from your unconscious (beneath the memory loss, so to speak) without you having to think about them?

    Good luck with your recovery and your writing!
    Judy
    Visit my blog for the Free Autographed Book Giveaway to celebrate Southern African Women Writers

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  4. Rick, Of course it isn't a fast recovery by any means, but I did get news from Murray that he is slowly getting better.

    Sara, It is interesting, isn't it? I'm very grateful to Murray for being so willing to talk about it.

    Judy, I can try to get in touch with him and ask if he doesn't stop by. That's an interesting question.

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  5. Hi Judy... yes. I have been forced to relearn everything -including how to walk again! So all aspects of writing had to be relearned. I'm not sure if I'm as good anymore, but I'm trying!
    --and thanks to everyone for the kind comments!
    -Murray

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  6. Yes, thank you for sharing this inspiring and heartfelt story. I've not always skated through life, but see I have nothing to truly complain about, either. thanks for helping me remember that this morning.

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  7. This is incredible. Truly, I can't even imagine going through something like this. Murray, your strength and resolve through all of this is amazing. You've reminded me what is truly important in this life, thank you!

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  8. I just want to add that working with Murray on What Doesn't Kill You... has been a real pleasure, and I am looking forward to finally meeting him this fall.

    Kevin Watson
    Press 53

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  9. Thank you Murray for sharing your story. And thank you Davin for putting it up.

    It's times like these we must remember what we have and how easily it can all be taken away.

    All the best to you Murray and continued success in life, as well as in your writing.

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  10. Awesome interview Murray and Davin.

    Good luck with the book release Murray and best wishes for your continuing recovery.

    ......dhole

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  11. This was amazing to read. It sounds as though you've still got your gift because I was gripped reading your story! I hope you recover well. Thank you for sharing your work as well.

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  12. Thank you Murray, and Davin.

    I'm truly inspired by your courage, Murray, thank you for telling your story.

    (my original comment went way too long so I've pared it way down...)

    I'd love to ask a question if I may (and this is more than just curiosity-- I'm looking for practical advice) how do you handle editing and revision?

    Do you find that you have to have someone else do it because you can't focus on your work long enough for the task or is that getting better over time too?

    I appreciated what you said about people complaining about small things too- they just don't realize that any day you can bathe yourself and get yourself to the bathroom and back without assistance is really a pretty damn good day. I guess it's something you can only really learn through experience.

    ...wishing you health and every happiness-

    ~bru

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  13. Bru,
    Thanks for the feedback! As for editing and getting things done, I try to do that myself, but have always depended on the kindness of others to really "see" how a story feels. So its getting better, but I've always asked others to read it... So. I'm trying!
    -Murray

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  14. Murray's story is truly amazing and inspirational. Thanks for sharing.


    ***

    Love the new header by the way!

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  15. Thank you so much, Murray, for your reply.

    I have such a harder time with editing than writing- I have had a really hard time concentrating for years now (post stroke disability) and I find that trying to revise my last ms makes my head hurt (literally). Though they say that I'm about as far as I'm going to go in my own recovery (the stroke was ten years ago) I still hope that maybe if I focus on a little piece of the ms at a time, I'll get there.

    thank you again for telling us your inspiring story.

    bru

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  16. You are always amazing, Murray. Thank you for sharing your story, and for being willing to be so open about your experiences. I know you will continue to have a positive impact on everyone you meet. You're such a talented writer and all-around nice guy--nothing will ever change that. I can't wait to read What Doesn't Kill You, and I hope that every day of your life from now on, is better than the day before. With respect, regard and affection, Terri Kirby Erickson, author, Telling Tales of Dusk

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