In one of his books (I can’t swear to it but it was probably “On Becoming A Writer”), John Gardner said that he was only able to write the novels he wrote because he was avoiding writing the novel he didn’t think he could write yet. That is to say, there was a book he wanted to write but didn’t feel that he had the craft for it yet, and wrote other things while he was gathering his strength and sharpening his tools and generally getting to be a good enough writer for the One True Book he wanted to someday write.
I understand what Gardner was talking about. There is a novel (called “The Builder’s Wife”) that I have been avoiding for the last couple of years. Since 2006 or 2007 maybe. It’s a dark comedy about love and infidelity and marriage and it features composer Franz Josef Haydn in a prominent role and it’s a fabulous story. But I have this idea that I’m not quite the author this book needs, at least not yet. I have a mental list of future books to write and whenever I get a new idea that I know I can make into a novel, it gets added to the queue and “The Builder’s Wife” gets pushed farther back into the depths of the future. Because I’m not a good enough writer yet.
Honestly, I know how foolish this is. I do. Mighty Reader sometimes asks me when the “Haydn book” is going to get written, and I wave the question away and mumble something about “when the time is right” even though the truth is that I could likely write the damned thing today if I sat down and made myself work on it. But I’m sure somehow that if I wrote the book now, the prose wouldn’t live up to my vision—however hazy and ill-defined that vision might be—of the book so I will put it off a bit longer. There are plenty of other books to be written in the meantime.
Am I alone with the late Mr. Gardner in this situation? Do any of you also have a One True Book that you’re avoiding by writing other books? Tell me about it, do.
Also, author Alex MacKenzie now has a proper blog about writing. Go follow her!
I have one of those, too. I've actually started it a few times and then thrown what I've started onto the fire and watched it burn until I'm more worthy for the undertaking.
ReplyDeleteOh, yes, I have one. It's quite serious and full of deeply philosophical thinky thoughts about life, death, and the Meaning Of It All, but since I write lighter-weight cheerful tales, it never gets written.
ReplyDeleteIt's kind of like a comedic actor who might have that one stellar dramatic/tragic performance inside of them that would stun audiences everywhere, if only they had the guts to say "yes" to the role. Or in my case, the talent.
Yours sounds fascinating and hey, it has a terrific title. Go for it!
And thank you kindly for the blog plug - much appreciated.
-Alex MacKenzie
I have a project I'd love to revise but I don't feel I have the skill for it yet. So similar situation, but different. There's an idea I have that I want to write but don't feel I'm up to the task.
ReplyDeleteThat's how I feel about my Secret Novel. I'd like someone to write it, but I'm not sure it should be me.
ReplyDeleteI know that this is true and you aren't crazy for not writing it yet because my book, The Breakaway, proves it. I wasn't really ready to write that book until now, and I've been trying to force it for 15 years. So, yeah. I get this.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, and SO true! There's stories I'd love to tell, but I just know I'm not the person to tell them. Maybe someday...but definitely not today.
ReplyDelete*cough cough* Doorways *cough cough*
ReplyDeleteSeriously. I am writing it, but sometimes it terrifies me so much that I leave it alone for a few days/weeks/months and write some other story.
That is the main reason why I call it the Beast.
;-)
I have two books like this, actually. I'm holding off on them for now partly because I feel I'm not quite ready, but mostly because they're literary and it would be hard to break out as a first-time writer with a literary novel. I also love to write genre (primarily historical) and have a lot of genre novel ideas. So I'm going to establish myself as a genre writer first and then also write those literary novels.
ReplyDeleteI can understand where you're coming from. I've often wondered if I made he right choice in starting my One Book as my first. It's literally a monster, but I have such Passion and desire now at this moment to write it; that I couldn't start with anything else. Though I have been known to walk away to write other stuff in the middle of it. I can only pray I become the writer my story needs in the process. As it gets deeper into the story and farther into the series I'll have to work even harderto make sure it lives up to my expectations. Nothing like diving in head first... It's how I get in the pool too. :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you, making your way to your One Book. Kudos on bEing patient enough to wait... I know I couldn't.
I can understand where you're coming from. I've often wondered if I made he right choice in starting my One Book as my first. It's literally a monster, but I have such Passion and desire now at this moment to write it; that I couldn't start with anything else. Though I have been known to walk away to write other stuff in the middle of it. I can only pray I become the writer my story needs in the process. As it gets deeper into the story and farther into the series I'll have to work even harderto make sure it lives up to my expectations. Nothing like diving in head first... It's how I get in the pool too. :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you, making your way to your One Book. Kudos on bEing patient enough to wait... I know I couldn't.
Actually, I have two, both inspired by songs that I love. The songs are "Fields of Gold" by Sting and "Brothers in Arms" by Dire Straights. I've started both books (one as a NANOWRIMO) and both are in the SciFi/Fanasy mode. I'm not satisfied by my treatment of the themes I've envisioned so far. Maybe I just need to mature a bit more. After all, I'm only 64.
ReplyDeleteI definitely have one of those. I've tried approaching it from all angles, but I have yet to actually write more than 10,000 words. It's been dumped and revived many, many times, and I only recently decided to dump it altogether until I get that epiphany, which I am aware will not come if I am wishing for it (please, please). So I've been writing other stuff, which is still really good, you know, but one day I will write that one novel, and it will rule them all!
ReplyDeleteMine has been sitting on the back burner for 5 years. It's big and scary and literary and I just can't get a grip on which POV to use. I've started it at least 100 times (have the notes and red-lined starts to prove it) but I just can't do it to myself. It makes me cry to think about and makes me sob when I do sit down to write it.
ReplyDeleteSomeday.
I have a book called The Weavers that I keep meaning to write about people scrambling to survive in comfort during the last years of their lives. It feels like it will be a huge book, and one that I can't currently write yet, even though I'm excited about it.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say this was The One, though. I think I will have several of these ideas for big books, and I'll probably be able to try to write some and maybe not others.
That's the thing that kills me, Domey.
ReplyDeleteI know, a turn to the morbid from Nevets is shocking, but... it literally terrifies me to think about passing away with some of these stories unwritten.
The thought of these ideas and these stories dying with me makes want to hide somewhere and cry, no joke. A little hyperbole, but no joke. And not much hyperbole.
Nevets: I want, when I die, to have a backlog of new ideas good for 20+ more years of writing work. I want to go down swinging. I want to go out in the middle, not at the end. I want death to drop me while I'm running full-tilt with my fangs bared and claws out, leaping after my prey. I want to have unfinished business. I'll go out like that with no regrets at all.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I guess the central idea has also never been THAT big a deal. I like the parts of stories that don't have to relate to the plot, the little moments, so I feel like those arise out of any idea. For my bigger ideas, I think what makes them big is that there is just a larger quantity of small possibilities.
ReplyDeleteDomey: When I think of "novels" nowadays I don't really think in terms of the premise. I envision sort of all of the possibilities of the narrative, which goes well beyond the plot or the conflict or whatever. I'm sort of thinking about the things I can do with the novel, as a writer, as an artist. Premises are a dime a dozen; that's not where the writing is. So my list of "future books to write" is almost pointless, almost useless. I assume that I can toss all of those ideas and come up with a dozen different--and maybe even better--ideas. Which really makes the One True Book thing look foolish.
ReplyDeleteFor me the central idea is everything, rather like the big bang. I'm interested in the literary craft, but am more interested in communicating the thing itself. I never know what to call it. It's not theme, not quite premise, and definitely not plot. It's just the thing.
ReplyDeleteBut whatever it is, I definitely can't bear the thought if it dying.
You're both stronger men than I.
Nevets: Far be it from me to speak for Doctor Malasarn, but I will say that the process is more important than the artifact. The act of writing is more interesting than whatever narrative comes from it. Beckett, Kierkegaard, Kafka and a bunch of other folks have all noted quite rightly that art is a fraud, so I don't really worry much about my precious ideas, or whatever you want to label the core spark buried inside each of my novels. I realized a few months ago that you can throw any premise at me and I'll be able to write a novel around it and fill it with whatever seems important to me at the time, which I think is what Domey is talking about with his "little moments." Look how far off topic I've gone! FTW!
ReplyDeleteI see where you're coming from. For me, to hearken back to the big bang, those little moments and "the thing" are interdependent, so while I think I could work with many premises, the kind of things I do with one idea could not be transposed to another.
ReplyDeleteFor me, the act of writing, while enjoyable, doesn't mean much without content. Alas, I've never been a craftsman...
Of books or of rings of power.
I actually haven't discovered "that" book yet. I just know it's there waiting and once I'm ready, it will come out. Meanwhile I'm practicing. :)
ReplyDeleteI haven't ever done this. Whenever I have a book idea, I always wonder if I should push it off for a while, but I've found that if I delay writing a story for too long then I don't have the same enthusiasm for it that I did when I first came up with the idea.
ReplyDeleteHowever, maybe if I found "the idea" it wouldn't happen...
Great post!
Haha, love your post title! And that's fine to put that baby on the shelf until you're ready. He's "marinating." LOL
ReplyDeleteA baby marinating on the shelf? Hmm.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean about the One True Novel. I have one that I've been co-brainstorming for years with my writing partner. Unfortunately, we've been terrified to start it, fearing that it could never possibly be the wondrous thing we've been imagining for so long. (Also, it will be the start of a trilogy, so it seems like an even bigger undertaking.)
ReplyDeleteI try to distract myself with side projects, but the One True Novel is always there, nagging at me.